On the Goodness of Humanity

Sometimes this world is like a sucker punch to the stomach.  You can’t help but stand there, immobile and gasping for breath at the sheer senselessness of it.

It has been hard lately to be optimistic. An old friend of mine was just involved in a horrible car accident. Five years ago, another close friend was in a coma when she was hit by a drag racer on the freeway. At least twelve people died last night in a mindless shooting in Colorado.  And in the weeks prior to that, the internet was awash with stories of rape, child molestation, and violence against and harassment of women.  The world is bleeding deep, personal pain, and history tells us this is nothing new. It seems that every time I check my email, go online, or read a paper, something horrific has occurred. When I walk outside, the number of suffering, hungry, and homeless in just my own neighborhood is impossible to deny. Even for those of us fortunate to be healthy and have a roof over our heads and food to eat at night, so many carry around deep pain.  The developed world has an entire set of its own problems: eating disorders, cancer, obesity-related illness, office anxiety. So many suffer in silence.  The pain out there is fathomless.  It’s palpable. It’s tangible.

A girl can only do so much, only be pulled so many directions before it feels hopeless.  There are days that I don’t want to get out of bed. I want to pull the covers up over my head and never speak to another human being again.  Yes, this world can knock the wind out of you.

But it can also take your breath away for other, more beautiful reasons.

In light of everything that has been in the ether lately, I wanted to take a step back and examine this world we live in. Everyone has at least one battle they are fighting.  Tales of personal tragedy are a given.  Sometimes it’s bad luck that knocks us down, and sometimes it’s another person whose actions have intentionally or accidentally torn a gaping hole in our life. But I just can’t believe humanity is a lost cause.  We’ve created so much that is enthrallingly beautiful.  We as a people are worthwhile – every one of us. If we could only remember that from time to time.

I am what my mom calls a “Pollyanna.” I always want to see the best in people, assume they meant well even when they didn’t.  It’s burned me more times than I can count, and yet I can’t seem to see the world differently.  True, realism has tempered my optimism over time, and that realism feels a lot like cynicism to me.  But I know it’s not really cynical – I still have a long way to go before I embrace the pessimism that people will never rise above a certain level. But it’s a balance.  How do you still see beauty in a place that’s dangerous and uncertain?

And yet… Sometimes, the world still grabs me.  I went for a walk the other night, when I was so overwhelmed and frustrated and just plain down.  I was irritated and itching to get away – just get away.  So I left my apartment and turned down a nearby residential street.  I live in a big city, and getting to real nature generally involves a road trip, but when I went for my walk, the sun was beginning to set and everyone was in their backyard. I could smell the hickory smoke, and the tree-lined streets were quiet.  I was walking, thinking, maybe stewing a little, and then I stopped. The setting sun had lit the clouds on fire.  There I was, in the middle of a dense and sprawling city, frustrated and exhausted with a proverbial thundercloud over my head, and I was suddenly speechless from the way the sky was blue and pink and orange all at once, and from the way the clouds seemed to be burning the day away as night set in.

When I returned home, I was renewed.  The world had reminded me of why I still bother, why I am still here, and why I shouldn’t curl up in a ball and hide away from everything.  Sure, it was just a sunset.  Happens every day.  But to me, it was more than the refraction of light through our atmosphere – it was a reminder that there is still beauty here.

I wonder how many of those people having cookouts in their yard saw it too.

And nature’s beauty is not the only thing this world has to offer.  Humanity is itself one of the most beautiful, complex creations, and we have produced beauty of our own.  I remember the first time I visited La Alhambra in Granada, Spain.  I dreamed that night of vast, twisting gardens and intricate tilework. I remember the first time I read a Salman Rushdie novel. I couldn’t put it down – enthralled by the way he wove language like a tapestry, engrossed by the way I was watching history and fiction unfold simultaneously.  And to this day, I can’t hear bagpipes, Spanish guitar, Irish fiddle, or the simplicity of human voices raised in song together without wanting to laugh, cry, dance, or sing – or all at once!

There are a few people in my life whom I look to, who help me believe even on the worse of days, that we are still capable of kindness, of insight, and of mercy.  Sometimes it’s a stranger who reminds me, or an acquaintance – someone I barely know – who touches my life and gives me a reason to believe.  Just by existing, these beautiful people are a light in this world.  They’re the few who have found their inner goodness and protected it, and now display it for the rest of us.  Every one of these examples is burned into my memory.  I cherish them, because there are truly some days when I wonder how the world has gotten so ugly.

We are creators of beautiful things, and yet we also create most of the pain that our art is a salve to. Ask any of my closest friends and family, and they will probably tell you that the phrase I use most often when discussing current affairs – whether global or local – is “why can’t we all just be friends?”  Such a simple concept, and yet as a people, we have yet to grasp it.  

I saw this quote floating around on the internet recently.  It was attributed to Kurt Vonnegut when I found it, but prior to two weeks ago, it was not attributed to anyone. In fact, it appears to have been originally an entry in this blog. But whoever said this originally, they were on to something: 

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

This is not always an easy task.  In fact, rarely is it easy, but it is always worthwhile. I’m not naïve, but I am hopeful.  Hopeful that some day, we’ll figure it out.

Protective shields do just that – they shield.  But they are indiscriminate.  When you push the world away, you lose the beauty as much as you lose the darkness.  I choose to see the good in people.  I don’t ignore the bad – denial never leads to positive change or progress – but I believe that at the core of everyone, there is true goodness. We can’t give up.  If we give up on each other, what do we have left?  We share this earth, and we need each other to survive. Humanity is beautiful.  It is ugly.  It is depraved.  It is selfless.  It is unique. And we are all a part of it.  Sometimes, it’s hard to see that we’re all in this together.  But we are.

And yet, we continue to isolate ourselves. To inflict pain. To wallow in our pain. But we can’t let this world make us hard. It’s all we’ve got.